Frequently asked questions (page 2 of 2)

What about coming out? Should I tell people that I am gay?

Coming out is when a gay tell others about his or her homosexuality. It might be one close friend, a trusted relative or simply anyone who asks. It’s a personal step that you may choose to take when you feel ready. See the coming out section for more information on the pros and cons of coming out and how to go about it.

I don't want to be gay. I feel really miserable about it.

Sometimes the person with the biggest issue with you being gay, is you! There are some things in life that we don't have any control over. Your sexuality is one of them. You need to work at feeling better about who you are and making the best of what life has given you: a healthy body and mind and, hopefully, many years ahead in which to have positive experiences. In other words, the same as life gives most straight person.

Why do you feel so bad about being gay? What is it about the idea of life as a gay person that's upsetting you? How is being gay worse than being straight? What can't you do as a gay person that you think you could do as straight? Sure, you can't have children naturally with a same-sex partner but that doesn't mean you can't be a parent. Even same-sex marriages or civil partnerships are becoming more common as gay equality improves.

Think about what you can do as a gay person:

• You can find love, enjoy sex and be happy within a healthy relationship.
• You can be successful in your academic and working lives.
• You can pursue personal interests, activities and hobbies.
• You can have good, close friendships with people who are open minded and accept you for who you are.
• You get the idea - you can do anything you want to do!

Try to stop seeing homosexuality as a curse or disability and look at it rationally: it's just one part of your life and doesn't need to hover over your head like a dark cloud affecting everything. In many areas of life, sexuality simply isn't relevant. You are not your sexuality - you are many things.

If you woke up straight tomorrow you'd still have a challenging life ahead, with the same ups and downs that everyone else faces. Heterosexuality does not automatically mean happiness or success, so stop using homosexuality as a reason to be miserable.

Read the material on this website. It'll answer some of the questions you have and dispel some of the negativity you're harbouring around homosexuality. Talk to a friend about how you feel or get involved in the discussions on the BGIOK forum. Chat to people who feel fine about their sexuality and who have the positive outlook that you currently lack.

There's no deadline for feeling better about things, so be kind to yourself and take it a step at a time. Start by working toward being able to admit that you are gay. Even typing it in the forum to people you don't yet know is a powerful moment of acceptance. It's about embracing who you are and moving forward positively.

You can be happy as a gay person but you have to alter your outlook on life and your perception of what it means to be gay.

I feel like the only gay person on the planet. How do I meet other gay people?

There are loads of gay, lesbian and bisexual people on the planet. Broadly speaking, gay people may be more or less visible in your home country depending on its laws and attitudes surrounding homosexuality. This makes it very hard to give exact LGB population figures. There are gay people everywhere but they don't tend to wear an easy-to-spot uniform! You may find that if you live in a small village there don't seem to be any gay people, but in a nearby town has an LGB youth group and gay venues. The dedicated section on looking for a partner or new friends is full of suggestions on how to meet other gay people.