Looking after your mental health (page 2 of 2)
About self-harming
Self-harming is when a person deliberately hurts themselves as a way of coping with problems. It’s not easy to understand, and everyone who self-harms has different reasons and experiences that have led to it. People who self-harm might cut themselves with blades or scissors (the most common form of self-harming), hit themselves with their fists or objects, burn themselves with hot water or hot object, or use other ways to hurt themselves.
People who self-harm often do it as a way of coping with intense and difficult feelings; it’s an outlet. A person might self-harm for a short period of time while they’re experiencing particular difficulties, while others may self-harm for years. Self-harm is usually a very private activity, so it’s hard to know if someone is doing it or not. Although self-harm can affect many different kinds of people, gay, bisexual and transgender, people aged between 15 and 25, and those with mental health problems such as depression and anxiety are considered to be higher risk groups.
Problems like low self-esteem (not liking yourself very much), worrying about your sexuality, worrying about school or pressures from parents, can all be reasons behind a person self-harming.
A person might self-harm when they experience very intense feelings that they find hard to cope with. By self-harming they bring about a feeling of relief and calm so life is a little easier to deal with for a while; a way of letting off steam. Self-harm can be a way of giving voice to emotional pain and getting a feeling of control over it. If a person if very depressed, they may feel quite detached and numb, so self-harming can bring a sense of being more connected and alive. Self-harm can also be an expression of anger that a person has toward themselves, so it’s like punishing yourself for messing something up or being a ‘bad person’.
Self-harm and suicide are different things, and not everyone who self-harms intends to harm themselves severely or kill themselves.
Overcoming self harm
- Decide that you want to stop. This is a big first step, but you can’t stop if you aren’t determined to. Think about why you self-harm, how and when it started, and think about how you can combat the source.
- Talk to someone about it. A friend, teacher, doctor, school counsellor, family member, or even just test the waters annonymously in an online forum like the one here. Deciding who to talk to is up to you, but it’s important to speak to someone you trust and has been supportive and trustworthy in the past. You may prefer to talk to a professional (like a doctor) instead of a friend if you are worried about gossip or private information being spread around. Keep in mind that non-professionals may find self-harm hard to understand. Be patient and calm with them and try to explain it as best you can.
- Distract yourself. If you feel the urge to self-harm, try to do something else to occupy yourself until the urge passes. Do something you enjoy like spending time with a friend, going for a walk, watching your favourite film, listening to music, dancing, reading, being creative (painting, drawing, writing a poem, playing a musical instrument), go for a bike ride etc. You may find that physical activity that leaves you a little tired works best for you, and that exercise enables you to work out frustrations and anger more easily than a sedentary activity. Going for a jog and tiring yourself out is better than hurting yourself. Find an activity that works for you.
- Alternatives to self-harm. Hit or scream into a pillow, flick elastic bands against your skin, hold ice cubes tightly in your hand or against areas of your body you want to cut or hurt, bite into something sour or unpleasant (but not poisonous) like a lemon or raw ginger.
- Wait. When you feel the urge to self harm, try to wait a while before doing anything. You may find that you calm down in this time and don’t feel such a strong urge to do it. Try to wait longer each time.
- Have first aid supplies to hand, like bandages and antiseptic cream.