Relationships and sex > Sex
Sex is a natural and very pleasurable part of life. It can strengthen the bond between partners in a relationship and is an expression of the strong feelings and physical desire felt by both. These feelings are the same for everyone, gay or straight. Sexual thoughts and acts are nothing to feel ashamed of or guilty about and are the natural world's way of getting people together.
Some people prefer to have casual sex. This means that they aren’t in a committed relationship and have the freedom to have as many sexual partners as they like. There’s nothing wrong with this if it makes a person happy and they don’t hurt anyone in the process.
If you are thinking of starting a sexual relationship with someone, consider the following:
Legal?
In the UK it is illegal to have sex (gay or straight) under the age of 16. This is different in other countries so make sure you know what the age of consent is where you live. The Avert website has a comprehensive age of consent list.
Safe sex
Your sexual health is important. While the awareness of STIs (sexually transmitted infections) like gonorrhoea, syphilis, chlamydia and HIV, shouldn’t stop you enjoying sex, but you need to be aware of how to protect yourself from them and where to go for help if you are worried you have been exposed (usually a 'Genito-Urinary Medicine' or GUM clinic). It's also a good idea to have a regular checkup, especially if you have more than one regular sexual partner.
Are you ready?
A virgin is a person who has never had sex. You only lose your virginity once so make sure it’s with the right person. Many people regret drunken sex with someone they didn’t have feelings for. Don’t be one of them.
You should only have sex if you feel ready. Don’t be pressured by someone else or feel there’s a rush to lose your virginity because your friends have. People lose their virginity at different ages, so make up your own mind. If your girl or boyfriend really cares for you, they will be patient and respect your wish to wait.
Relationships and sex are wonderful, natural parts of life for gay and straight people.
Activities
Do whatever feels good for you in bed. It’s okay to say no to something that you don’t want to do. Many young gay men worry that penetrative sex is something they have to do, but this is a myth. If you don’t fancy doing something, then don’t do it.
Communication
It’s normal to be shy about talking about sex. Many of us are raised by parents who avoid talking about it and who end up creating a sense of embarrassment and awkwardness around sex. But if you’re old enough to have sex then you’re old enough to talk about it! Being able to talk about sex will enable you to communicate what you do and don’t like in bed, deal with problems and ask for help if you’re worried about something. Communicate with your partner. It’s okay to talk and even laugh during sex.
Fun
Sex is a fun part of life, so enjoy it. There’s no script or list of rules, and sex is rarely like you see it in films. Sex can be clumsy, messy and really quite silly! Don’t stress about sex. Do what feels right for you and enjoy it safely.
Masturbation
Masturbating means manually stimulating your genitals i.e. enjoying sexual stimulation alone by touching your penis or vagina with your hands or using objects. Slang terms for masturbation include wanking, tossing off and jerking off.
Masturbation is a natural way of enjoying and exploring your body. It is a way of discovering what feels good for you sexually and is an outlet for strong sexual feelings that can build up and become distracting in your daily life. Most people masturbate: whether in a sexual relationship or not, young or old, male or female, gay or straight. Some people look at pornography (sexual pictures or video) when they masturbate, some may daydream about someone they are attracted to, and some people just enjoy the physical sensations and don't think of very much during masturbation at all!
It’s your body. Masturbation is nothing to feel guilty about or ashamed of. Sexual feelings are very powerful: masturbation is a safe and enjoyable way of exploring them and learning about your body.