Relationships and sex > Tips for a successful relationship
Getting into a relationship with someone you're crazy about is one of the best feelings in life. But creating a successful, lasting relationship requires effort. The following tips will help you to be a brilliant boyfriend or girlfriend:
Communication
Along with trust, this is the most important thing to master. It's vital to talk openly and honestly about your feelings in a calm and considered way. Hiding how you feel, telling your partner what you think they want to hear or communicating via arguments will damage the relationship. As well as enabling you to get to know each other better, talking openly will enable you to solve problems, settle disagreements and become closer to one another. On the other hand: arguing or trying to ignore problems creates distance between you. If you’ve got something to say - say it!
Trust
A relationship without trust will make you miserable. If you're suspicious, jealous and untrusting you'll drive your partner away and drive yourself mad. If you've got a suspicious and watchful eye on your boy or girlfriend from the start then things will look pretty bleak for your future together. The only way to truly give the relationship a chance to flourish is to assume your partner will be faithful and do right by you in all areas of the relationship. It sounds like the obvious and natural thing to do, but sometimes we need reminding. Your partner has chosen to be with you and nobody else, so believe what's in front of your eyes and enjoy it.
Laughter
Enjoy each other and have fun. It sounds obvious, but sometimes people get so bogged down in their differences and disagreements - not to mention outside hassles - that they forget how amazing their partner is and how much fun it is to be together. Sharing laughter and good times with a partner is one of life’s best experiences.
Compromise
You won't always agree with your partner, so it's important to be able to find a middle ground where you both feel happy e.g. Perhaps you both have different ideas about what you want to do on Saturday night. You could alternate, doing the thing you like most every second week. That way you both get some of what you want.
Your partner may not always feel the same way as you do about certain issues. It's important to be able to accept these differences and see that it doesn't spell doom for the relationship. It’s okay not to agree on everything. You weren't looking for a clone of yourself to have a relationship with! Our differences make us who we are. Your boy or girlfriend's unique qualities are what attracted you to him or her in the first place.
Drama
Some people thrive on arguments and dramatic emotional outpourings but drama is a poor way to resolve problems in relationships. It might make you feel important and the centre of attention but it's actually a very childish way of communicating your feelings. Screaming and rolling around inconsolably on the floor might have got you a chocolate bar when you were three but you're an adult now. This isn't an audition for a TV soap: this is your relationship so treat it with respect.
Romance
Romance and attentiveness don’t have to stop the moment you get together. It's good to show your partner often how much you care about them. Be tender and thoughtful: a surprise gift, a home-cooked meal or an evening out. It makes a person feel wanted, loved and prevents them feeling neglected or to question how much you care about them. It’s hard work if only one partner is making an effort, so make sure you don’t get lazy.
Respect
Don't take your partner for granted or start treating them like an accessory. He or she is still the amazing person you wanted to be with six months ago, so treat them like it.
Imperfections
Nobody is perfect. Accept that your partner will make mistakes, has imperfections and won't always be at his or her best. Neither will you! Don't expect your boy or girlfriend to be a perfect relationship machine. Nobody is born with expert relationship skills and we all have bad days.
History
Don't let your past or the past of your partner spoil what you have now. If you've been hurt in relationships before, it doesn't mean it'll happen in your current relationship. Don't make your partner's life harder because someone hurt you once. Perhaps your boy or girlfriend has had lots of partners before, but don't assume that they are fickle or incapable of monogamy. People can change. Go into a new relationship with a fresh page, judging each other on your actions now - not the way you both were or the things you did ages ago.
Assertiveness
Don't be a doormat. While it's normal to want to please your partner and make them happy, this shouldn't be at the expense of your needs. It's okay to say no once in a while and it's okay to disagree. If you are worried about losing your partner it's easy to get into the habit of trying to keep them happy at all costs, but you'll become a pushover and lose confidence. Ironically, by becoming a doormat you'll be less attractive to your partner who remembers you being more self-assured. Standing up for yourself doesn't have to be an aggressive thing. Being assertive means that you are looking out for yourself and keeping the relationship balanced. So if you don't like the fact that he spends every night out with his mates getting drunk - don't send him off with a four-pack and a smile on your face: tell him you're fed up!
Sensitivity
Be sensitive to your partner. If they're having a tough time, be there to listen and comfort them and offer advice if you can. Being in a relationship means you work through problems together. If you have difficulty showing your emotions or being physcially warm: get some practice now. It's no good for your relationship if you run a mile the moment your partner sheds a tear! Relationships are a lot of fun but there come times when you may really need each others strength and support.