Religion and being gay (page 1 of 2)

Introduction

It’s beyond the scope of this website to talk about how all religions view homosexuality, especially since these views are shifting all the time, so here I focus on Christianity.

Though you might speak to God via prayer, nobody can actually have a two-way conversation with him. Anyone can ask God him what he thinks, but no one can receive a spoken response. Instead you have friends, family, teachers and priests telling you what they think God wants of you. What you hear is very much dependant on whether you belong to a liberal or conservative church group.

I think that homophobia in religion isn't really about God. It's about how people who believe in him choose to interpret his word and what they do with it.

The way they see it

Conservative Christian denominations tend to share the following beliefs:

• That the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin.
• That being gay is fundamentally wrong, unnatural, and a psychological problem.
• That being gay is a choice. Homosexual behaviour is something someone deliberately decides to participate in.
• That a homosexual person can become heterosexual if they want to, through prayer or therapy.
• That God intended everyone to be heterosexual, and that by choosing to be gay you are offending him. God hates homosexual acts.
• That homosexual behaviour develops due to poor upbringing or bad parenting. That homosexuality is not genetic and doesn't begins in the womb, i.e. God wouldn't create gay people.
• Sexually active gay people should not be welcomed by the church, or ever be allowed to become priests. (Some denominations are more tolerant toward gay people who are celibate (do not have sex) and who are not currently in a same-sex romantic relationship.)
• That giving gay people the same rights as straight people would encourage more young people to choose homosexuality and undermine heterosexual union.

Is homosexuality sinful or evil?

Homosexuality occurs naturally and is considered by many to be a normal type of sexual orientation. Gay people are more or less visible in society depending on its attitude - largely based around religion - toward homosexuality. So a gay person in a very homophobic country with anti-gay laws will likely hide who they are out of fear of persecution. This creates the illusion that homosexuality occurs less - or is even virtually nonexistent - in certain parts of the world.

What do you think of when you think of the wrongs in the world? War, poverty, environmental damage, cruelty to animals, child abuse, bigotry and hatred, racism and homophobia? I doubt you put love and sex at the top of your list. These things are wonderful and natural. Loving someone and sharing your life with them can give intense pleasure and happiness, and a great sense of fulfilment and wellbeing. Most people desire romantic love and physical intimacy. It’s human nature. When a man and a woman express love for one another within a committed relationship it is usually celebrated by their church, while a same-sex couple living in a similar way may be condemned.

Homosexuality occurs in animals too. You may have heard of the penguin male couple, Roy and Silo, at Central Park Zoo in New York who hatched and raised baby Tango. Another story from a German zoo revealed that attempts by zoo keepers to turn gay penguins straight by introducing females failed. These birds are following their natural instincts. They form close bonds, have sex, and seek to become successful fathers. Homosexual behaviour has been observed in other species too. If homosexuality occurs throughout nature then surely it is a normal part of the natural world. The only difference is that animals, of course, don't pin value judgements, like good or bad, on sexuality. In other words, homosexuality is morally neutral in species other than human.

Does the Bible say that being gay is wrong?

There is ongoing debate about whether the Bible really does condemn homosexuality or just specific instances of same-sex behaviour. The Bible is open to interpretation and people get different things from it. It's safe to say that someone from a conservative religious background might be keen to see anti-gay messages that echo his or her own, while a more liberal reader will see that the Bible does not seem to condemn loving, monogamous same-sex relationships. Also, a person studying the Bible today may or may not be willing to question what they read in light of modern day thinking and scientific progress. Literal interpretation of the Bible quickly leads to problems in today's world when you consider it's outlook on slavery, the rights of woman and methods of execution. ReligiousTolerance.org has much more on this topic.

Is homosexuality a choice? Can it be changed?

Sexual orientation is not a choice. I didn’t choose to be gay. I’ve never met anyone who claims to have done so. Indeed, I remember being bullied in school for being gay before I knew I was! People knew I was different because that's just the way I was built. For everyone, puberty kicks in and you find yourself being sexually attracted to other people, and there's not a thing you can do about it. You can't hurry, control or direct those feelings.

Since I started this website I’ve read hundreds of emails from young people who’d give anything to be straight. Not because they think that being gay is wrong, but because they think being straight is the only way to be accepted by God and their peers. They would love to have a choice in their sexuality but nobody does.

Would it make sense, in a world that can be so hostile toward gay and bisexual people, for anyone to choose to be anything but heterosexual?

Some conservative denominations believe that a gay person can be 'cured' of homosexuality and become heterosexual. This is supposedly achieved through prayer - God can change you if you ask him sincerely - or reparative or conversion therapy. This is based on the idea that since homosexuality is chosen or caused by poor upbringing, that it can be treated, like any other psychological problem. Such treatments, and their effectiveness, haven't been fully studied, and many feel that they can be dangerous to a person's mental health, causing depression, low self-esteem, subsequent substance abuse, and even suicidal urges. These treatments are unproven and experimental. The majority of those who undergo them experience failure in their ability to change their sexuality and either feel worse about their situation or move on to accept themselves as they are.

Most mental health professionals believe that homosexuality is a naturally occurring type of sexual orientation and cannot be altered through therapy or by other means. I think that being encouraged to attempt to change a fundamental and normal part of your being, and being told that becoming heterosexual is the only way to be accepted by God, is sinister and deeply dangerous to a person's mental health.

Science suggests that homosexuality is genetic. In other words, you are born gay, just like you are born with a certain eye colour. Whatever weird and wonderful stuff creates a straight, gay or bisexual person, happens in the womb.

I think that the only way to be truly happy is to embrace who you are. The closer you come to liking yourself and everything that you are, the happier, healthier and more fulfilled you'll become. You'll also be able to accept and enjoy the love of others if you accept yourself. The alternative to self-acceptance is not a cure, but a path of denial and repression, or worse.