What now, I am so confused...

[Ana22]

Ok, I told my parents and my brothers that I was gay which was hard but it's done.
Also I told two of my best friends which was even harder.
And now all of them are acting very strangely.
My mums acts cool but says she need time to adjust to all of this, my brother stopped talking to me, he says I'm dead for him and my other brother is convinced it's a phase he is constantly trying to find a nice guy for me.
My best friend is acting really strange, at first she said all these hurtful things then said she was sorry but later acted so strangely. She's hot and cold which I hate I can't get a straight answer from her.
My other really good friend is so freaked out that she hasn't said anything but no way but you go to church... And now she is pretending like I have not told her anything.
And finally my dad, he was really upset last week, he visited me here at school and took my laptop, mobile phone and everything else he had ever bought me. He was furious, plain mad. First he cried and later slapped me and cried again.
He acted as a lunatic I was really scared.
He made me see a shrink, who said that being gay is not a disease which made things even worse.
Thankfully mum calmed him down and send me my staff back caz I couldn't do anything for university. And didn't have anything to wear.
My dad will drive me crazy with his insane behavior.
All of this is freaking me out especially caz I can't talked to anyone here.
I don't know what to do to calm things or can I do anything?
But this is really too much if I killed somebody they would have reacted better.
Sorry for being so serious but I hate this pressure from my family and friends.
See they have the stupidest idea that you choose to be straight or gay and that I can choose to be straight if I really wanted to.
Just had to write my thoughts somewhere.....

[Bee :)]

Awww Sorry to hear bout that

Your friends and family might still in shock -Hopefully it will wear off. If it doesn't, just maybe let hem know that when they are ready, you'll be waiting and then just leave it. They will miss you and then hopfully it would give them chance to get over it. Sorry - That's really rubbishy advice :/ Good luck Let me know how it goes

x

[KarateKid]

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this at the moment. At least your mums reaction has been quite good, and sounds like it could get better as time goes on. It's always strange to hear peoples bad reactions as if you have somehow chosen to feel this way. It would be very easy to say to you that in the end the people that don't accept you are not your friends (and close family can be worse), but I know that's really difficult when you have done nothing wrong. They are choosing to act in the way that agrees with their current predudiced views, you have not changed, they now just know more about you than they did before. It's difficult to tell which people in your life will change to be more positive and supportive, certainly some of the reaction may be shock at the moment, and challenging their own stereotype views. I think it's important to try and find more people who are supportive, and try and give people time to adjust. I have no idea of there are even any groups in your part of the world that could help, but at the very least you have the support of the people on here, so feel free to post to at least let off some steam.

[imnotinlove]

Firstly I think it's incredibly brave of you to do what you have done and there is no reason why you should feel bad about talking about who you are.
That said it's obvious that some people haven't taken it too well.
My old best friend took me coming out quite badly. I mean she's supportive now and she was never really unsupportive but she brushed it to one side and as she was the only one I was out to at the time I still felt extremely lonely because I had no-one to talk to.
I suggest you give her some time to let it sink in and then maybe explain to her how difficult it was for you to tell her and that you need her support. I don't think she's deliberatly trying to hurt you I just think she needs time to understand where you're coming from.
As for your other friend I'd suggest the same thing.
In relation to what you should do about your dad, I think it's great that your mum is supporting you. Hopefully, she will set some sort of example for your dad and he will realise that how he is acting is hurting you. However, what he has done shouldn't be excused. He has hurt you at a time that you feel vunerable and I suggest that if it happens again that you should talk to someone as it's just not on.
I think for many people they worry about losing the person they knew before but I think by acting normally but reinforcing that yes you are gay can help them to see that you haven't changed and that you've merely shown them another part of you.
Hope this helped and keep your head up. I know it's easier said than done but believe me it will all sort itself out!

[Ana22]

Thanks for the advice I agree things will sort of with time.
It's cool to know that I'm not alone.
Hopefully people that I came out to will see I still the same with one small difference :=)

[Frankie123]

Hi, I felt very frustrated at reading your post! I feel so for you!! Firstly it was a good thing to come out to your "friends" and family, this showed bravery and courage and I think you should give yourself credit.

Secondly a while back I told my sister & mum about being bisexual. At first my sister was a bit shaky of the thought and her main concern was that I would try to steal her boyfriends! Anyway after a month or so, we're even closer now! We can talk about everything. As for my mum, she went through the weird phase!! She didn't accept i was bi, she thought i was just in a phase, confused! etc she used various websites contacted various doctors, she would never learn to accept it, I told her its about how the person treats me regardless of the sex. Over time she still is not used to the idea and i dont think she like's it , but shes ok a little bit, she makes jokes all the time. But at the end of the day its who you are or i am that your folks have to accept this. Me and my mum are back to normal now though just takes a while,

And no offence as for your friends they dont sound like real friends, they would of accepted you for who you are it was hard for me to come out to friends but when i did, all of them took the idea on board because i explained the whole situation.

It must be terrible right now, but give it a while you didn;t do anything wrong, some of your family are getting their head around it, and well your friends maybe need explained more. Anyway hope i've sorta helped. And i hope your situation get;s better let me know!

[Ana22]

I wonna thank all of you for your thoughts and words of kindness
I didn't go to this site all that much caz my best friend was visiting me and she is still freaked out by me being gay.

Well all in all me coming out was better than I expected my mum and 1 bro are pretty cool about it, but my dad, 2. bro are taking it very badly and very differently. See my bro's only 11 months younger then me we went to school together till uni. We were very close till he started doubting about me, then he kinda drifted and now he just said he doesn't have a sister any more and that's that.

My dad is the other way completely. He has tryed everything from extortion, emotional blackmail, violance the kindness, pleading, bribing, yelling,..... just to "straigten me out".

My best friend is still strange about it but she is getting better but there this tension still.

It's strange, all of this caz I feel as if I was naked I mean emotional and everyone wants sth from me, to be this way or that way I so fed up.

The good thing is that I'm getting better at being the real me and I have some people that get all of this like my gf.

So thats that.

[imnotinlove]

I think it's great that you're becoming more of yourself, despite some of the bad reactions you have had. Just keep going and I hope it all works out!

[chesterkat88]

Hey Ana,

Congratulations on having the courage to tell your family and closest friends about you! Really, that is something to admire and, well, it must have been extremely hard to do so!

People fear what they don’t understand. Sure, it sounds cliché, but it is kind of true. Also, people fear their own secret urges and desires even more. I’m not saying that your mum, dad, brothers or friends have secret gay phantasies, but… scientifically speaking, every human has gay desires, as well as hetero desires. Nobody is 100% gay or 100% straight. Some people are willing to accept this… but more than 95% of the straight population fears this.

For some, it’s about ego. “What? Me?? I never had thoughts about the same sex!”… being different can be frightening to most people. Being around people whom they consider to be different, can also be frightening. “What if people see me with my lesbian friend/sister/daughter? What will they think of me?”.

Your mum seems to be the most open-minded right now. It’s natural for her to feel the need to adjust. Give her time, maybe it will be okay. My mum still hopes for grandchildren and a daughter in law, even though she knows I’m gay for about 5 years. I won’t crush her hopes and she won’t interdict my needs, it’s sort of a peaceful compromise. I can talk openly with her about my crushes, she helps me the best she can, but I can still sense her need of hoping that one day I’ll just… change

With all due respect towards you, your family and your friends… your brother is stupid for not talking to you anymore. Maybe there are some of his own fears that you dug up without wanting to… maybe he’s just closed-minded. Either way, don’t let him hurt you with his behavior. He’s stupid to reject you as a whole person.

Your other brother is… dealing with it. Seems to be the “Let-me-fix-it-all” type. Funny, but he could become slightly annoying with all that “Here’s a boyfriend”, “Try this one”, “How about him?”. Let him believe it’s just a phase, just make sure nobody else learns about your private preferences from him. Maybe he’ll get it one day, who knows?

Your best friend is probably not the best friend you can have right now. I don’t want to sound rude or be mean, but instead of supporting you she said hurtful things. Sure, she was sorry… but now she’s acting weird… Maybe you should confront her on the basis of “Are we still best friends or not?”, not on the idea of: “Will you still be my friend even if I am gay?”. Find out if the “gay-factor” means so much to her that it’s blocking your friendship or not.

Your other really good friend… hmmm… dunno, let it play out as it will, see what happens, but don’t push the situation. If she decides that it’s better not to remember what you told her, it’s her loss as a reliable friend. Trust me, you will not remain friend-less! It’s just that, if your two friends don’t know what’s going on in their own souls, regarding the gay-subject, then neither can you find that out.

And finally… your dad. Oh boy… It hurt me to find out that he slapped you. Can you imagine how much fear this man feels? He must not be used to feeling such a great fear. Fear of loss, fear of what others may think, fear of being a bad father… The sad part is that you cannot really talk to him about it. If it brings any comfort, know this: When I told my father that I was gay, he said something like “If you don’t heal yourself of this sickening disease, I will consider that I have no son”. My parents broke up when I was seven, so it was pretty easy to invent girlfriends over the years so that my father would still talk to me. He’s a pin-head… meh, no wonder my mum divorced :p

I don’t know if you can do anything to make it better, or calm things down. I don’t recommend lying because they might suspect that. It’s important for your mental health to tell them, so feeling guilty for doing so would be stupid, no offense. It’s your life, your PERSONAL life… you can’t love somebody piece-by-piece… either love them as a whole or don’t say that you love them. If they love you, things will calm down eventually. If not, well… it is their loss, not yours.

It’s hard. It hurts. It feels lonely now.

It will pass. It will remain a distant memory. You are not alone and you never will be.

Two catholic workers were working near the sewer, in front of a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi sneaking into the women-house. “What did you expect?” they said to each other. After a while, they saw a protestant priest sneaking in the brothel. No surprise there. “What did you expect?” they said to each other. Finally, later in the night, they saw a catholic priest sneaking inside the building. “Oh my God, how terrible, one of the girls must be dying!”.

People see what they need to see, and fear what they don’t want to understand. A creative life full of love for something, anything, is a healthy life. When you are doing something that makes you happy, you are protected and loved. Hope it helps.

[PaytonRunsAway]

this might not help, but i just say that if you have an influence or a peer that you can talk and relate to it really does help. One friend might just rplace some of the hatred in you life.