Don't believe the stereotypes and all you see on TV. Prepare to see gay myths exposed!
I get a lot of problem page emails from worried readers, concerned that they will go to hell when they die because they have been told by their church/friends/family/TV/books. Some churches welcome gay members, but these still seem to be the minority, and the negative view prevails that having a homosexual relationship is a sin, and the crime for that is a ticket to the underworld unless the individual stops living a “sinful life” and asks for forgiveness. Well, I’m not a religious person myself and I tend to look at things from a logical point of view. The way I see it is this: if God exists, and therefore created all things, then he also created gay people. It wouldn’t make any sense to create a gay person if God intended them to be miserable, alone and living each day feeling guilty and dirty about how he or she is feeling. Only a cruel and malicious god would do such a thing, and this isn’t what the idea of God is about. being gay is part of you that you can’t change, like your eye or hair colour, or the type of personality you have. If God is responsible for making your hair brown or blond, for making your friend straight or your best friend a heavy metal fan, then he’s responsible for making you gay. Sexuality isn’t a choice, so it’s either down to biology or God; neither case should leave you ever having to feel dirty or ashamed of who you are. We are all born with certain unchangeable qualities, and we have to make the best of them.
Some people have pets who try to mate with pets of the same sex; I have seen a gay cow bothering other male cows in a field! Animals don’t burden themselves with crap about going to hell – they follow their pure instinct that is programmed into them or bestowed upon them in their design by God. Maybe we can learn something from their purity (though I don’t recommend running after boys in a field!).
If you read anything negative about being gay in old books (or The Bible) remember that the book is written by men, translated by men, edited and altered by men over thousands of years. Men who were strictly religion, men who don’t have the modern outlook we have now, men who might have been a bit messed up and feeling guilty about pretty much anything that falls outside of this simple plan: woman > marriage > sex only to produce a baby, and then plenty of guild for dessert. Think what the bible would be like if it was re-written by God tomorrow; what do you think it would say? I imagine it would call for peace between all people, no matter what their sexual orientation and other background details.
Being a gay person isn’t God’s bad joke; it’s just part of life. Enjoy who you are: love who you want, be happy, share with people. There’s nothing evil about these things. There is far greater evil in the minds of religious people who scare others into repressed and lonely lives by telling them horror stories about hell. If there is a hell, you can be sure it is reserved for the real evil doers of this world – not for those who just happen to find love and happiness with members of their own sex.
Check out www.truthsetsfree.net.
"In your relationship, who is the man and who is the woman?"One of the first questions I used to be asked upon telling someone I was gay was: “So, who is the woman in your relationship?”. Predictably enough, I have never been asked this question by a gay person!
Because we are raised to think of a romantic relationship only existing naturally between a man and a woman, it's hard for some people to think differently when faced with a same-sex relationship. This thought pattern is only encouraged by the stereotype effeminate and butch categories of gay man, so often portrayed in the media. And of course, it's all rubbish!
There are no man and woman roles automatically assumed in a gay relationship. Perhaps one partner assumes a more dominant or passive role (in the bedroom and beyond), but this is more to do with personality and how two people work together emotionally and physically.
I'm sure you've encountered a heterosexual relationship where the woman seems to be more assertive and in control, while the man is passive and more laid-back; this goes against the idea that there must be a woman (carer, cook, cleaner, docile lover) and a man (provider, dominant, strong, assertive lover). So, the “man and woman” model is an old fashioned idea about gender roles, which are often untrue in many types of relationship.
"I’m gay, but I don’t like dance music and Kylie CDs. What’s wrong with me!"
It surprises me that some of my gay friends look at me in absolute horror when I tell them I like Radiohead, Muse or Placebo. I say: "Embrace your individually!"; It’s okay to be gay and dislike Kylie!
Never feel pressured by friends, the media or even yourself to be a disco queen when you want to be a heavy-metal dude instead. Tell your friends to respect your tastes and individuality just as you respect theirs. True friends really won't mind what you listen to, how you dress or whether you look like a refugee from the Adams Family or not. Live and let live.
"It’s compulsory for gay men to take part in certain sexual activities."
Whether straight or gay, no sexual practice is compulsory. Don’t rush into a sexual relationship and don’t do anything you are not happy doing. It is not a right of passage as a gay man to have anal penetrative sex. Many gay men don't practice this activity for various reasons, ranging from the personal, the fact that it is a high risk activity for contracting HIV (much less so if using condoms and lubrication), or simply not enjoying it.
Do what you feel comfortable with and always be safe out there, use condoms and water-based lubricant (such as KY Jelly) if you are going to have penetrative sex. Using condoms dramatically lowers the risk of contracting many STDs, not just HIV. If you are worried you may have an STD, or have had unsafe sex and are concerned, visit your local G.U.M. clinic (see Yellow Pages,local phone book or check out the info at R U Thinking About It?) who have listings of local services and other useful information).
It is illegal to have sex with a man or a woman if you are under the age of 16. And on your 16th birthday, remember, there is no rush! Your first sexual experience should be with who you want, when you want.
For more info on sex, and see the Being gay F.A.Q. page here.
See the Terrence Higgins Trust and Avert website for more information on HIV and AIDS and other STDs, and how to protect and look after yourself.
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