Page 2 of 3
"Gay people can't have 'proper' relationships like straight people can."

This one really annoys me! Some people have the strangest ideas about what being gay is all about. Some people think it's a weird sexual thing, and emotion has nothing to do with it - that some guys and girls like to have sex with members of their own sex like some kind of extreme fetish. Well, being gay is really very simple - gay people find members of the same sex attractive and have the capacity to desire them physically, and sometimes fall in love, just like straight people do. We have long-term relationships, silly flings, sexual adventures, horrible break-ups, childhood crushes, true love, joint bank accounts and mortgages, disastrous dates, matching bath towels, family pets... the list goes on. Just like straight people, some of us want to find that special someone, and just like straight people, some of us are lucky enough to find it and make it work. We might choose to share a home, make plans for a future together, and now even get married since gay marriage was legalised in the UK. The stereotype image of gay men especially is one of promiscuity, clubbing, pleasure seeking, and shallowness with little regard for consequence or the feelings of others - so it's no wonder that young gay people find themselves giving up hope of finding a meaningful relationship before they've even started looking! But life is full of people who want different things, and just like some straight people might choose to have a care-free life of pleasure seeking and casual sex, there are plenty who seek something deeper and lasting; a real connection with another human being. Finding that special someone to have a lasting relationship with is not easy, and perfect partners don’t just fall out of the sky – whether you are straight gay or otherwise. But it can happen, along with all the highs and lows that everyone experiences along the way. Gay or straight, it all boils down to the same things. Who you desire is the only difference.
Butch like Arnie or camp like Julian? Who cares!

"Gay people act certain ways. They mainly seem to be camp and effeminate or butch and leather-loving! I'm neither. Help!"

It's true! Some gay guys do act camp, while some enjoy the whole butch, leather thing. You know, I heard some gay guys even drink in straight bars; can you believe it!

I don't know why, maybe the '"campness" is in the genes. I know some people tell me I'm a little on the effeminate side (okay, camp!). I look at friends and think they act just normal to me, while others say they're Julian Clary wannabes. Who's to say what's normal? Who's to say how you should act?

Put simply: be who you are. There are no rules on gay behaviour. You'll find it very tough to act any other way but your way. Camp or otherwise, you're great and it will only ever really matter to the odd ignorant person you might be unlucky enough to bump into.
Don't be depressed. Help is available."Gay people are more prone to depression, mental illness and suffering from psychological problems."

It's true that gay people can sometimes face prejudice and negatively because of their sexuality, but this doesn't mean we're all on Prozac or rocking backward and forward all day in padded cells. In a world where gay people face hostility simply by following their hearts, it's inevitable that there are going to be a lot of unhappy and isolated gay people out there. Sometimes this leads to depression or anxiety problems, possibly even suicidal thoughts. The best way to avoid the moody blues is to realise there is support out there to take advantage of. Join a youth group (see GayYouthUK and here for listings) to make some gay friends who know what you are going through, and try calling an LGB Helpline - both here on bgiok and at GayYouthUK - if you need someone to talk to about how you feel. Talk to close friends about your feelings. You'll feel much better once you have a chance to open up and express yourself honestly. Don't allow yourself to be a victim - talk to someone!

Low self-esteem can often be a problem for gay people. This feeling comes from feeling that you are different from other people, not normal or able to fit in. Leading a life in the closet (when nobody knows you are gay because you haven't "come out") can be a high pressured existence and quite lonely. Making gay friend can help a great deal. There are some ideas on this page from my Being gay F.A.Q. that will help.

If you feel that you may be depressed, suffering from anxiety or have thoughts of self-harm, talk to your GP and ask to be referred to a counsellor. Talking about how you feel is one of the most effective ways of coping and learning how to deal with daily challenges.

In some cases, you may be perscribed anti-depressant drugs like Prozac. These help balance your moods in the short-term so you can quickly get a foothold on life again, but they are not a long-term antidote for depression. They put a plaster over the pain but don't solve the root problem like counselling and/or phychiatry can.
Try the @ease and Channel 4 health websites for more information on mental illness.

If you have suicidal thoughts, contact the Samaritans (Call 08457 90 90 90 (UK)) who offer "confidential emotional support for anyone in a crisis, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year".

If you're feeling low and are experiencing difficulties of any kind, don't forget the problem page on this site.