Looking for a partner or new gay friends

Below you’ll find some ideas to help you find a partner and/or make new gay and bisexual friends.

The internet

If you are 18 or over, there are many dating websites where you can make friends or maybe meet a partner. I've made friends through OutEverywhere. Other sites include GayParship or the Guardian's Soulmates. OKCupid is a good, free dating site for people of all sexualities from around the world. Most dating sites do charge for membership, though this varies from a few pounds a month to more significant cost. Look out for special offers or trial periods. Be aware that some dating sites like gaydar contain sexual content and may have more of a sexual focus i.e. they’re used by people who want to meet up for casual sex, but that doesn't mean everyone on there has the same thing in mind. OutEverywhere has a focus on getting to know people for friendship, and OKCupid has a Facebook feel, but like in any area of life you have to use your common sense in deciding if someone is genuine and is looking for the same things that you are.

Join the BGIOK forum. It’s a friendly place, where you can chat to other gay people about absolutely anything. You don't have to use your real name. Many people have used the forum to admit to being gay for the first time.

Be sure to read the forum post, 'internet safety tips and making friends online' before getting started.

College and university

Many colleges, and especially universities, have their own LGB or LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) student-run groups. I attended one when I was at university, and typically LGBT uni groups or societies offer a range of activities in their regular meetings. A group may go for nights out to local gay venues, visit other LGBT groups at other universities, organise fund raising events, have discussions and debates about important issues or even just watch LGBT relevant films together and go for a drink afterwards in the student bar. A good group will be open to suggestions from its members about activities and events, so get involved and bring your own ideas.

Most importantly, these groups offer an ideal way of meeting other gay people of your own age, perhaps for the first time in your life. Being away from your home village or town means you can safely enjoy time with an LGBT group without worrying about bumping into your Dad at the cashpoint. It's as much an opportunity to get to know yourself as well as other people, without the judgements and criticisms you may have experienced back home.

Youth groups

Some towns have gay youth groups that function in a similar way to LGB societies at college or university. Rather than being student-run they have a set of adult youth workers who organise and manage events and take care of the regular meetings. You can find a selection on the youth groups links page as well as links to larger listings, or try calling a helpline and asking what groups and services are in your local area.

Ask your friends

Maybe a friend knows someone they think you might get along with. Perhaps they have a gay relative you could talk to. Maybe they have useful suggestions to help you. It's worth asking.

The Gay Scene

The gay scene is comprised of gay pubs, clubs and other venues; gay groups, activities and events. See the dedicated gay scene page for more information.

Embrace opportunities

While it’s good to help things along and actively look for new friends or a partner, it’s also important not to get too obsessed with the search. It takes time and patience to meet people outside of your usual circle, and friendships and relationships can’t be forced. Friendships flourish naturally when you’re relaxed and simply being yourself.

Life tends to reward those who embrace it. So if you get out and about with existing friends, try new things and visit new places, and be friendly and open to new people, then you’ll likely find that new people will naturally come into your life.

If you feel isolated at the moment, think about the future. You might choose to leave your home town to go to college or university, or perhaps to pursue a job or career. As you get older your freedom and control over your life will increase and it'll become easier to meet new people.